i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
