I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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