Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I touched a dick in church today
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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