words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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