how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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