How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
