This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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