I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
