I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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