Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
