We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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