Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
