All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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