Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
