I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
