if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if only i could text you this smell
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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