I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
