how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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