have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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