and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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