walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize