when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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