considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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