Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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