Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
