dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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