Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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