just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
