A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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