A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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