Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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