Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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