Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
