Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
