I love black thongs
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
