Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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