Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
