I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
