Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
