Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
