Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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