She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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