my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
