Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
