They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
