Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
