and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
