I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You need Xanax blowdarts
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
