your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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