He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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