OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
